So I know that these things are usually put in an About Me section or something, but honestly if it is long, you would probably much rather read it as a post or something. So here it is, the semi complete story of me...edited for my convinence.
Basically I was born on a Naval Base where my mother was stationed. I was born a bastard. Am I ashamed? No! Should I be? No! The way I figure it, my biological father missed out on someone pretty fucking fantastic. I have probably accomplished more in my life then he ever will and that makes me pretty happy in the end.
I won't lie there was a time when I felt something was missing in my life, but doesn't everybody feel like that now and again? Sure I want to know, I want to see if he has changed from the guy who rejected me into an actual human being, but I guess that will have to wait. On the other hand, I was adopted by a guy my mom met and married and he became dad. Yes I was daddy's little girl, but I can't say I am as much anymore, but I will post about that later.
My mom and adopted dad split up in either '05 or '08, to be honest I really can't remember. But I moved in with my mom and her boyfriend and my dad got married later on. I was devestated at first because, you know, he was the only dad I knew, but I accepted it and moved five minutes down the road. I can't complain, the last 7ish years have been great with mom and her boyfriend and my brother (for the most part). We play video games, watch races and football, drink, have parties, and all of that other crazy stuff. It usually doesn't get too dull there. It also helps that I have my two cats and my two, soon to be, three dogs to keep me on my toes. But more on that later.
My life is not perfect, fa from it really, excluding all of the stuff I just said above. I have had problems since I hit my teens and no it is not PMS or whatever that crap they try to feed you in middle school. I was and still am depressed, suicidal, self concious, lonely, angry, and all of that lovely stuff. As much as people say it is up to you how you live life and only you can fix it...sometimes you can't. I finally hit rock bottom during my sophmore year of college when I was raped and then used twice by two guys I thought I could believe in to be there for me. I was wrong. I can't blame them entirely though, I was searching for someone to like me and make me feel like this horrible thing didn't just happen to me, but they were in love with another girl. I forgave one of them because that person is still my friend today and married to his love and one of my best friends. The other one can burn in hell with the guy who destroyed me.
After those events I just lost hold of everything. I didn't want to go to class, see anyone, eat or anything. I just wanted to die somewhere and get away from this world. I was suicidal, but I can admit that in some way I wanted somone to help me and pull me from despair. That brings us to the bridge. My best friend came and found me crying at the bridge and tried to calm me down while the police took me to the hospital. I stayed there for three days before I got out and withdrew from the rest of the semester. I took the whole summer to get the help I really needed like therapists, psychiatrists, everything.
I wasn't easy to deal with during that summer. I was angry at everyone and everything. I took it out mostly on my mom which made me feel like I was the worst daughter. I felt like I was the messed up child, the one hat my mom didn't want to have and I yelled at her for it. I had this idea in my head that she depised me for all the trouble I was putting her through, but she didn't hate me. She took care of me even through all the stuff I did, she was there taking me to appointments, making sure I took my meds, making sure I wasn't thinking about certain things. So I started to calm down.
The next school year I did okay with going to classes, keeping myself busy, and trying to get involved. Most people were just happy not to see me crying or running off to bridges. Luckily, there was this group started called One Student, which worked toward eliminating sexual assault on college campuses. I figured that this group was exactly what I needed to help get over some things that lingered. I wanted to make sure that situations like mine didn't happen to anyone else and I was so happy to know other people wanted to join the fight. Also I was given the opprutunity to be the leader of a Feminist group on campus. But that was the end of my junior year and things would be in process the coming year. But, I passed all of my classes even the ones I had to make up from the previous semester and I was on my way to my graduating year...this year.
Okay now we are up to the most current year of my life which is my graduating year and Shepherd University Class of 2012. In the fall of this year I went into full graduating mode, trying to get involved as much as I could, passing my classes, working, and everything. I figured there was so much of the camps I had yet to experience. Last fall I ended up doing a play called "The Vibrator Play" in which I was the wet nurse...yes wet nurse. Those were lojng weeks of rehearsal and performances, I thought I was going to die from either exhaustion or not seeing my cats. It was almost cats. Besides doing the play I was now involved with the One Student group and the Feminist group. The Feminist group didn't last long due to conflicting schedules and the play. One Student was put on the back burner due to the play as well. In the end of the semester though I was involved as much as I could be, but I have been doing more this semester.
Which brings us to this smester currently. I am finishing out my year by taking two required classes, and three easy classes, while doing an internship. It doesn't sound so busy, but when your school cuts two weeks out of the semester its hard to find a way to fit 120 hours for an internship when the schedule is loose. Luckily, I could make the internship flexible between two people to fill up the hours. In my spare time I try to keep up with my homework, focus on graduation, have some me time, and figure out how to go home. But things find a way to work out. I am just hoping to pass Darboe's class and my first aid class to be certified.
Other than classes I am an active member of One Student and helping with events. We were going to attempt a Walk A Mile In Her Shoes event, but we discovered the task would be too much with the small amount of people we have and the time crunch we would have. So we decided to do smaller events throughout the course of the year to help spead sexual assault awareness. I was disappointed, but I am glad to be doing something with my last semster here besides studying and staring at the wall.
And of course blogging....
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