Graduation Noose

Right now I have this image in my head where I am standing in front of a room full of people with a noose around my next. They keep asking the same question over and over again..."What are you going to do after graduation?" Each time I don't answer or say "I don't know" the noose gets tighter around my next until finally the world goes dark.

I won't lie it is a bit morbid, but that is exactly how it feels to me every single day since this semester started. Everyone keeps asking me what I am going to do after college and I feel like I am on trial constantly. I want to scream at them and say "I don't know. Leave me alone!" but that isn't the right answer. It is never the right answer.

People and friends keep saying they understand what you are going through but they don't unless they have been there like graduates or a graduating class. You feel like the world is on your shoulders that one wrong move everything will drop down on you. Some people have it all figured out, but I don't. I am terrified that the noose will tightened to the point that everything becomes black...I fail...and graduation kills me.

I want to say that I am confident like other people and that I think graduating will be freedom but it really isn't. You have to come to terms with the world, the pitiful job market, the cruel reality that you may either fail or succeed and that is enough to scare you.

As much as I want to think like people I know that in a few months I will have a diploma and not the slightest idea what to do with it. I will look at this piece of paper and wonder what do I do with my life now? School and my family has taken care of me for all of these years, giving me a place to learn, have fun, and feel loved, but the majority of the world is not like that. I will go into a cold world where I have to figure things out myself and live with the decisions I make. It is enough to drive you mad, but in the end you know you can't lose it, there has to be some part to keep it together.

As I look at the jury of people with the noose around my neck all I can think is what will my answer be to them when I finally think of one? What do I want to do after graduation? And will the answer be satisfactory?